Spring and Summer on Hold
Intro: “People speak sometimes about the “bestial” cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to beasts, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel.” ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Devil came down this summer. This wasn’t how I expected to spend my summer. As if my universe suddenly collapsed. It is like you wake up one day and you realize you are classified as a criminal just because of the place you are born. Your life, your job, your future is on hold. For how long? Indefinite. This spring and summer I lived through one of the darkest chapters of my life.
It all started in January. It peaked in March and it turned to a desperate situation in April. May was like hell. And the world stopped in June.
June 4, 2026
I am officially home bound. I can’t work, because my work authorization is not adjudicated. I had to cancel my two June classes. I stopped going to my office. I emailed my two research students, there will be no communication and research over the next few weeks.
June 6, 2026
A federal judge struck down the policies. Finally a good news after months of limbo. I doubt they will honor the law. I have lost all trust in them. I spend my time on a few personal pet projects.
June 12, 2026
They finally complied with the order and put out a public notice. Not sure if there will be any practical outcome any time soon. We will see.
June 20, 2026
There wasn’t any approval until June 18. Finally approvals showed up. Definitely not in the order they were received, just random, more recent applications with premium processing came first.
June 22, 2026
I wake up with a new hope every morning and go to bed with complete desperation. No update yet. You don’t find peace, you just give up and stop caring.
June 23, 2026
Nothing yet. I can’t focus on a real work. I decided to do a water fast. Just to keep myself busy with something challenging. Also clean up my body and loose some weight.
June 24, 2026
No news yet. Still fasting. Oddly not feeling hungry.
June 25, 2026
Broke the fast just before I went to bed. Midnight I woke up with a rapid heart rate and stomach pressure. Went to bathroom and felt very cold, pressure dropped. When I tried to get back to bed, my head was screaming. Lost my control, and fell off. Grabbed and ate something. Hardly made it back to the bed. My body collapsed for a few minutes and finally I got conscious. Twyla, just walked next to me to check on me. The sweetest dog ever. Managed to sleep shortly. I woke up with a pain in my lip and face. Looking at the mirror, I saw I have bitten my lip during the collapse and my face had crashed into something. I had broken the lamp glass. And I didn’t notice any of these when it happened.
June 28, 2026
Another long weekend. I hope this is the last weekend of uncertainty.
June 29, 2026
Long and stressful weekend led to waiting Monday. My boss finally emailed HR around 2 pm, to seek any possible solution we can save two of my classes. I am pretty sure they can’t do anything. Just 4 minutes after this email, the legal team informed us that the permit is finally processed. After 13 months and 20 days! For a process that is used to take about 5 months.
